Gotcha Days are always special and we celebrate them at our house twice a year. But Zen actually had two different Gotcha Days; and today is the second anniversary of the second one……
July 22nd, 2022, was the day that Zen came home (from his original home) to stay with me for good.
Welcome Home Zen-Zen!!
During the time between his first Gotcha Day of May 14th, 2022, and this second one, my poor Zen puppy spent many days hiding in a corner of our kitchen while his “HuDaddy” battled his dementia demons. Thankfully, he also spent even more days safe in the care of his breeder/Grandpa, his birth mama, auntie, and three cousins (as well as his Grandpa’s sister, daughter, and friends). Sam’s demons made my poor boy so nervous. And they made me fearful of a repeat of Bogie’s last day on earth. And when Sam was admitted to the hospital that last time, “Grandpa” once again took Zen home with him so I could get the house in order while also visiting Sam as much as possible.
As a four-month-old puppy, Zen at first was a little nervous being here again. After his Grandpa left to go home that afternoon, Zen spent nearly half an hour looking for him. And each time we went to the back door, Zen would first go to the front door hoping to see Grandpa walk through it. And he nervously looked around for signs of the demons for a few days before he finally felt completely safe.
Two years later, my boy is still and always will be my anchor on stormy seas, my sunshine every day, my pot-o-gold on this side of the rainbow, my leprechaun, and my soul-dog-in-training (Ducky’s protégé).
I can’t believe my big boy, my sunshine, my leprechaun, my pot of gold, my lucky charm is suddenly two years old! 💚🐾☘️🐾
Hi Mom!
Before Bogie’s ashes even came home, I was looking forward to Zen’s arrival. I had promised Ducky that we would get her another baby brother to help her deal with Daddy’s dementia demons. Then Ducky left me, too. I was devastated. But once the shock wore off and I was left with just the reality of her absence, I knew Ducky would pick the perfect puppy for me. I just had to wait patiently. That waiting wasn’t easy in between Sam’s dementia-induced “episodes” but I managed. And suddenly, on St. Patrick’s Day 2022, on their mama’s birthday, my little furball and his nine siblings were born. I was soooo excited! And Sam was excited (when his dementia allowed him some control).
Zen and his siblings, about 2 weeks old
Oh! They were soooo cute and tiny! Baby leprechauns all! When they were three weeks old, Sam and I went to see them. I saw baby Zen, with his smudge muzzle, looking at us from under a chair and fell in love.
Look at that sweet little face
He stole my heart even then, but at just three weeks old he wasn’t ready to choose his humans yet. So we went back to see all the puppies again the following week. And I let Ducky do the choosing. I knew she would whisper in the right puppy ear. It took a little extra encouragement from Ducky because Sam’s demons were lurking in the shadows; but that little cutie I had already fallen in love with picked me. And eventually picked Sam too.
Soooo sweet!Hi DaddyOur Zen-puppy and Us
So much has happened since that day four weeks after Zen was born that I couldn’t possibly include it all here. Some of it was heartbreaking, some of it was truly frightening, a lot of it loaded with anxiety. But once Sam was in a place where I knew he would be cared for professionally and compassionately, the anxiety eased enough that I could bring Zen back home. So I did and our relationship, our bond has been growing.
Zen Hugs
We’ve had our times when my journey into widowhood has made for tense moments, but we’ve gotten through them relatively unscathed and more bonded as a result. Zen has truly been my “rock” throughout these 17+ months since Sam joined Bogie, Ducky, and our other pups at the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me.
Then, six months and one day after Zen was born, his little cousin Zoey came into this world with her own nine siblings. I knew I wanted another girl to love. And I knew raising pups of the opposite sex would be challenging. But I felt up to it and Zen needed a playmate. So, six months to the day after Sam and I brought Zen home for the first time, I brought Zoey home while my brother stayed with Zen.
Getting to Know You…🎶This photo brings back memories of Callie and Shadow at the same ages.
Zen is not just my rock; he’s also an excellent big brother.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZEN-ZEN!! ☘️☘️🎂🎉🎈 Zoey and I love you and will do all we can to make your day as special as you are! 💚💚💚💚💚
January 14, 2022 was the worst day of my life, of all our – Sam’s, Ducky’s, and my brother’s – lives. And, to be honest, the first day of the worst year of my life. It was the day my sweet Bogie got his angel wings. And it was the day that my sweet Ducky’s heart broke irreparably. That sweet, loving, adorable boy. Just thinking about how it happened still brings a flood of tears – the bitter part of my memories. All I can do is thank God for allowing Sam and me to be his human parents and Ducky to be his “big sister” for his short life.
How could you not love that face?!
I will always miss this boy. He loved snuggling with me, and I loved snuggling with him. Bogie was the reason why I decided to get another “baby brother” for Ducky as soon as I could, which leads me to the sweet part of my memories…
A few days after Bogie got his wings, I called our friend and Bogie’s “Grandpa Chuck” and told him “I want another baby brother for Ducky. I’ll send you a check tomorrow.” Even though Ducky’s broken heart earned her her own angel wings a month later, I knew she would pick the perfect puppy for us. And she did….
4-Week-Old Zen
This adorable little smudge muzzle was born on March 17, 2022 but even before then he became my sunshine boy. Sam’s dementia took nearly total control of him after Ducky got her wings; and the only thing I felt I had to smile about was knowing I would soon have another puppy to love on and be loved by. So Zen became my sunshine. When he was born, I decided his Gotcha Day would have to be on the monthly anniversary of Bogie’s passing. I needed a happy event to balance the tragic one. So Sam and I brought Zen home on May 14th.
After Ducky passed, I knew Zen would eventually need a playmate, and I wanted another girl. At first I wasn’t sure I could deal with two puppies and Sam. I kept wondering out loud if I had lost my marbles somewhere along the way. But Zen was such an easy puppy once Sam was admitted to the hospital, that I stopped wondering. Shortly after Sam was admitted to the hospital, Bogie’s mama, Bailey, was mated with his daddy’s brother so I knew the chances of getting a female version of my Bogie were pretty darn good. And the chances of her being exactly six months younger than Zen were good, too. It turned out to be six months and a day, but that’s close enough. So the second sweet part of my memories came into my life….
Baby Zoey Petunia at about 6 weeks.
Look at that foot in the water bowl! To this day, she thinks water is for more than just drinking, just like Bogie! And Zoey’s Gotcha Day became November 14th, exactly six months after Zen, and ten months after us losing her older genetic brother. And, oh my doG, does she ever remind me of Bogie! She looks just like him and she acts just like him. She is a snuggle bunny just like Bogie was; and she’s sassy with Zen like Bogie was with Ducky.
So, as bitter as the memories are of losing sweet Bogie that awful day two years ago, at least his younger cousin and sister provide me with extra sweet memories for counterbalance. And truthfully Bogie’s not gone. He’s here every day, along with Ducky and their human daddy. I just can’t see him or love on him.
Since this past Tuesday was also Zen’s (half-year) Gotcha Day – he’s been with me for 18 months – it’s only fitting that I should give him his own post on Thankful Thursday.
Zen and I have been through so much together in his short lifetime…his human daddy’s dementia and subsequent last months at home and then his passing; my relief and grief over my human soulmate’s passing; all the repair jobs that have had to be done on and in the house; and then the first holidays without hubby, Ducky, and Bogie. And my dear, sweet boy helping me raise his little sister. Then he guided me through his angel brother/cousin Bogie’s first anniversary in Heaven; Bogie’s, hubby’s, and Ducky’s first birthdays in Heaven; and then Ducky’s first anniversary in Heaven. And my own little health scare, which thankfully turned out to be minor and easily resolved.
That’s A LOT to go through in the span of a year and a half! But my boy got me through all of it. He has been here for me through thick and thin. Just as his mentor, Ducky, was all those years before and would have been if she could have. But in truth, she was here in spirit … mentoring and helping Zen to help me as she would have done. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Zen is my sunshine boy. My leprechaun (he, like his birth mama, was born on St. Patrick’s Day), my huggy-bear, my earthbound guardian angel with paws, my helper. And while he is maturing into a calm adult, he is still very much a puppy when playing with his little sister.
I thank Ducky every day for picking Zen out for me…she knew exactly which of Bogie’s baby cousins would be perfect for her grieving mama.
How is it even possible that you’ve been here with Zen and me for a full year already?! Here you are that first night home …
Getting to know each other
I still remember trying to will you and your littermates to be born the day before you actually were … I wanted you and Zen to be exactly six months apart. Oh well, at least I could make your Gotcha Days six months apart.
Oh, those puppy teeth!
You’ve been growing physically and emotionally; but you’re still very much a puppy with all that energy. You keep Zen and me on our toes, for sure! Now that you can hold your own against Zen, you have wrestling matches that admittedly make me nervous at times.
You Reap What You Sow, Zoey
Zoey had been pestering Zen earlier in the day, so when he started in on her, I started recording. Zen is so tolerant, so patient with her most of the time. I love when he gives it back to her.
My Little Girl’s Not So Little Now
The more I look at Zoey, the more I see Bogie in her eyes and heart. She just looks and acts SO MUCH like her older angel brother! It’s really uncanny. Maybe God sent Bogie back to me in Zoey to give him a second chance at life? I don’t know; but it sure feels that way at times. She’s a lovebug, a sweet, sassy lovebug, and I’m glad Ducky and Bogie sent her to Zen and me!! 💜💜💜💜
HAPPY 1st GOTCHA DAY ZOEY! We love you, little one!!
In just two words … my dogs. I am passionate about their welfare, their health, and their happiness. I am passionate about giving them the best life I can afford.
Zoey and Zen (left to right)
I am passionate about giving them as much unconditional love as they give me. They are sweet, loving, goofy, fun, loyal, and sometimes frustrating teenagers. They are my best friends as well as my “fur-babies” and I am their “mama”.
They are both Heaven-sent, picked out for me by my canine soulmate who earned her angel wings and joined her older sisters and younger brothers in Heaven in February of last year.
These two current pups didn’t know their human “daddy” – hubby’s dementia had already mostly robbed me of the man I married by the time Zen came to live with us at 8 weeks of age. The shell of that man made my poor puppy nervous at times, so he spent a lot of time with his breeder. When hubby was admitted to the hospital, I spent time getting the house cleaned up – when I wasn’t at the hospital with hubby – and then I brought Zen home with me for good. Zoey was born less than a month before hubby passed (peacefully in his sleep at the hospital, thankfully). She came to live with Zen and me in mid-November. And life has been somewhat chaotic and exhausting at times ever since – but always filled with love.
I was just as passionate about my furry angels before they each got their own angel wings. At times it was exhausting dividing my time between them and their human “daddy”; but I always tried to do my best and was always rewarded with their unconditional love.
It devastated hubby and me each time we had to say good-bye to one of the pups. And that devastation – especially the loss of Bogie, an 11-month-old Golden Retriever who got his angel wings due to a traumatic accident – is what finally catapulted poor hubby into the final stages of his dementia. The last one to leave was my soulmate, Ducky, a Cardigan Corgi/Black Lab mix who I adopted from the shelter in 2012. It is Ducky who picked out these two for me, with help from her “baby brother”. Bogie is genetically related to both Zen and Zoey, so he was a natural helper. Ducky knew me better than I knew myself at the time. And she knew exactly what I needed insofar as my next furry earth angels. She visits me quite frequently with their help. (So does Bogie.)
Since this is Thursday – and I am thankful for all the pups I’ve had/now have in my life – I decided this daily prompt from WordPress was perfect for today’s blog hop post.
Callie was my/our very first Golden Retriever. She was born 19 years ago today. She was a sweet, loving, and very independent puppy and adult.
Even at four months old she was teaching me about being a good dog mom. She was the first born in her litter, and from the time she opened her eyes – according to her breeder – she helped her mama stop and settle squabbles among her littermates.
When we added Shadow to our little family six months after we’d brought Callie home, Callie appointed herself Shadow’s surrogate mama, protector, best friend, teacher, and big sister. Callie sensed, correctly, that Shadow was a somewhat “needy” girl right from the start. And from day one, the girls forged a bond between them that would later transcend time and space.
Callie & Shadow’s First Christmas (2004)
When we added Ducky to the family in 2012, Callie taught Ducky how to be a dog, how to be a member of our family; and she intervened in the many squabbles between Shadow and Ducky. She also taught Ducky all she would need to know about getting along with Shadow once it was just the two of them. I think she might have warned Ducky of ghostly discipline, too, if she didn’t treat Shadow right. 🤣
Callie was my and hubby’s dear friend, our ambassador for her breed. And she owned and loved us equally, neither of us was her favorite “parent.” I will never forget her as long as I have my wits about me. She was our girl. And she was Shadow’s and Ducky’s older sister and best friend. And she taught Ducky well how to protect Shadow and be her true friend and sister.
So I’ll end this post by saying “Happy Birthday” to my dear Callie. The girl who started my love of Golden Retrievers, the girl who picked Radar and Bogie for Sam and me after Shadow joined her at the Rainbow Bridge.
My sweet, loving, sassy soulmate. You would be starting your 11th year on earth today if you were still here physically. Instead, you’ll be starting your second year as a wingedfurry angel on Wednesday night.
I know you’re always nearby, even if I can’t see you. You borrow Zoey’s earthly form to visit me. Quite often. I call Zoey by your name. A LOT.
I miss your physical presence, baby girl. I miss your sweet puppy kisses. I miss seeing that sweet smile, and loving gaze, that you reserved just for me. And I will until we are reunited.
Ducky, you and I will always have that special heart-and-soul connection. It transcends time and space. It keeps our spirits connected even though our physical selves are separated. All those years we spent working and playing together, trying to relieve your anxieties around strange, unfamiliar people, were the cement that strengthened our bond from one day to the next; from one year to the next.
I was devastated when you left your earthly form behind that night. My baby girl was “gone” in an instant. I hadn’t been able to tell you one last time how very much I love you. Or how very sorry I was for not being able to protect you well enough from Daddy’s dementia demons. I hadn’t been able to hold you lovingly as you left your body behind. It took a long time, and the help of a pet-loss psychologist, to forgive myself for all the times I felt I had failed you or disappointed you. Just writing this is bringing on the tears again. Zen keeps coming over to check on me. Zoey is here on the couch, curled up next to me, like Bogie used to do in the mornings.
Wednesday night will be a year since you joined your sisters and brothers in Heaven. I won’t ever “get over” losing your physical presence, your special smile, your sweet puppy kisses. But Zen and Zoey have been healing and expanding my shattered heart with their own ways of loving me. And I know you’ve been right here with us, helping us.
I will always love you, Ducky. And I know you will always love me, and be here with me. ❤️🐾❤️🐾. We will meet again, my sweet girl. Zen and Zoey send you puppy kisses. 💚🐾💜🐾🦮😘🦮😘
My three most recently departed loves have heavenly birthdays coming up this month. I will miss them all until the day we are reunited. And I’m sure many more memories will leak from my eyes between now and then; but this is a celebratory post, not a sad one.
In birthdate order, Bogie will be 2 years old on February 6th; Sam will be 73 on February 9th; and Ducky will be 11 years old on February 13th.
Sweet Bogie, our angel disguised as a dog
This boy’s time on earth was cut short through a tragic accident that took him from us. 💔 BUT during his time on earth, he filled our lives with so much joy, love, and laughter that we felt his loss perhaps more acutely than we might have otherwise. This boy was truly an angel on earth disguised as a dog. 💙 He knew instinctively, even at such a young age, exactly when his (human) daddy needed him; and went to him without hesitation to give love and be loved upon. And in the mornings, while Ducky slept in my chair, Bogie snuggled with me on the couch. Most of the rest of his day was spent playing with the older sister he adored and who adored him in return.
Sam, the love of my life, my human soulmate
This photo was taken last year, at our favorite restaurant, Schwaben House, where we had his birthday lunch. It was a happy day for us both, as his dementia demons were leaving him alone. It is my favorite of more then-recent photos of the man I’d married 28 years earlier. He was more himself that day than he had been in many previous days. ❤️ More himself than he would ever be again after that day. I will always gratefully remember the way he was that day.
Ducky, my sweet, sassy soulmate, my heart dog.
Ducky came into my life while I was taking a course to become a dog obedience training instructor. I was in the externship stage; and I was volunteering at the animal shelter, with the mission of helping the dogs become more adoptable. Ducky was the second of my charges. (The first, a pittie mix named Honey, was adopted a few days earlier.) Sweet Ducky stole my heart the instant I first saw her in her puppy-room kennel. And the rest of her story is now history. She wrapped my heart around her little paw and decided that – one way or the other – I was going to be her new mama. A few months later, she got her wish. We spent the next nine plus years working and playing together to ease her reactivity. And her older sisters taught her how to be a family dog instead of a kennel-bound shelter dog. Our bond grew into a soul connection that has transcended time and space. ❤️❤️
So, on this Thankful Thursday, I wish my three loves a happy birth month. I am so thankful you were each a big part of my life. I miss your physical presence; but I know you are with me always.
Tonight marks sweet Ducky’s 11-month anniversary joining her beloved brothers and sisters at the Rainbow Bridge. So I needed some cheering up. It was almost time to watch the live stream of service at church. So I turned on the TV, went to YouTube, and put on the Golden Retriever Puppies funniest videos. This is what ensued…
Thank you, my sunshine boy, for making your mama smile! I needed it. But wait! There’s more…
These two angels with paws are such sweeties! They make me smile and laugh multiple times a day. What more could I ask for? Not much, that’s for sure!
Watching YouTube PuppiesWatching YouTube TogetherBeing Big Brother
I hope the videos and pix add some sparkle to your day, like they do to mine! Have a great Sunday and new week!
in my heart 4ever 