A Bittersweet Weekend

Today – Saturday, January 14th – is the first “anniversary” of Bogie’s horrific, tragic, traumatic accident. A year has passed since my precious baby boy was taken from me, his daddy, his sister, and his uncle. The first of three traumatic losses in one year.

I spent some time yesterday morning reading my blog posts about Bogie – first to last – especially his trainer’s tribute, and tears rolled down my face. I will forever grieve for my precious baby boy. That grief, like the ocean, ebbs and flows with the tides.

Tomorrow – Sunday the 15th – will be 11 months since my beloved Ducky’s heart gave out on her after being shattered the month before by our loss of Bogie, and after many years of helping me deal with the stress of her beloved daddy’s dementia demons. As with Bogie, I will forever grieve for my precious little soulmate.

The “sweet” part of the “bittersweet,” though, is that today, Saturday the 14th, is also the Z Kids’ Gotcha Day. Zen came home to live with Sam and me on May 14th, so this is his 8-Month Gotcha Day. Zoey came home to live with Zen and me on November 14th, so this is her 2-Month Gotcha Day.

Zen has been my ray of sunshine, the bright spot in my life, since before he was even born (on St. Patrick’s Day) last year. Just knowing I was going to have another puppy in my life last year cheered me up most of the innumerable times that the grief over first Bogie and then Ducky overwhelmed me.

Once Zen came home after Sam had been hospitalized, he was often my reason for getting up in the morning. He became my best friend, my peaceful moments, my constant companion, my protector, my everything. And when I got the doctor’s unexpected yet somewhat relieving call that early October morning, Zen was my comforting, calming, peaceful zen puppy. He lived up to his name that morning as I cried into his fur. 😍

When Ducky became a winged angel, I knew I had to have two pups in my life again – the boy who was due in another month and another female. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, especially if I had to deal with the dementia demons at the same time; but I was determined to have two puppies so the first one wouldn’t be lonely when we couldn’t have him with us away from home. So, once again, my sweet baby girl came through for me when Zoey was born.

As Zen is my ray of sunshine, so Zoey is the starlight in my eyes. Zoey is sweet and sassy, like Ducky was. She is my baby girl, and I am her person. And, like Ducky adored Bogie, Zoey adores Zen. Likewise, as Bogie adored Ducky, so Zen adores Zoey. 💚💜🐾🐾

This post is a “bit” long-winded. I apologize for that. I’m grateful for those of you who have read it to the end. I hope everyone has a great weekend! ❤️❤️🐾🐾

Missing My (Human) Soulmate

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It is with very deep sadness that I must tell you my beloved husband, Sam, passed peacefully in his sleep early Friday morning, October 7th. 💔😢.

Most – if not all – of my long time readers know (but may not remember) that Sam was diagnosed with early-onset dementia in June of 2018. Back then it was still mild enough that Sam could enjoy a sense of independence. As the years passed, however, his cognitive abilities became so impaired that the doctors insisted he not be allowed to drive any more. That loss of independence really bothered him. Then Bogie had his traumatic accident, and a month later we lost Ducky to the sudden heart failure. The two losses coming so close together devastated us both and really started Sam’s downward spiral.

Before the dementia took control of Sam’s mind, we had a soul-to-soul connection, an affinity with each other that carried us through many trivial arguments over this or that. And it helped me separate the Sam I love from the dementia-induced alter ego who angered me, disappointed me, and hurt my feelings so often.

The real Sam was a kind-hearted, loving, friendly soul who never met a stranger. The real Sam loved his family – including each one of our many fur babies – with his whole heart, and we all love him. Now Sam and the fur kids (except Zen obviously) are all together again. Sam is no longer being chased relentlessly by his dementia demons; and all the earthly anxieties that plagued Ducky when Sam’s demons were lurking about are gone. So now they can all relax and enjoy each other’s company while they wait for Zen and me to join them.

I miss the real Sam. I know his spirit is with me, but I miss his physical presence. I miss our morning hugs, sitting in his lap with my head against his shoulder when I was sad, our walks around the back yard. I miss our day trips to the mountains with the pups. I miss his smile, his laugh, his hand reaching for mine. I miss watching him interact with the dogs. And I will miss him and each of them until it’s my turn to join them.

Grief is the price we pay for love. I know the pain of this loss will ebb and flow. I’m prepared for that. So I’ll close this post with a simple request…prayers for anyone and everyone impacted in some way by dementia. It is a horribly cruel disease, worse than cancer in my opinion.

I don’t have the obituary quite ready yet; but I can tell you that we will have a simple memorial service for Sam at our church a week from Saturday. For anyone who wants more details, just send me a message or email.

Happy Heavenly Birthday Callie!

04/16/202204/16/20224 Comments

Our sweet, independent girl! You are celebrating another birthday in Heaven. If you were still on earth, you would be 18 years old today. Hard to believe you were once a tiny ball of Golden fluff.

When I think back to your years here with us, I can’t recall a single moment of being anything but in love with you. You were such a good puppy. Easy to train and always happy.

When we brought Shadow home exactly six months after your first day with us, you appointed yourself her surrogate mama. Still just a pup yourself, you taught Shadow everything she needed to learn. And you protected her, nurtured her, and groomed her every day.

When I brought Ducky home from the shelter eight years later, you again took on the roll of surrogate mama. But you had your paws full with our little “demon dog”. It wasn’t until after you left us that I saw she had taken the lessons to heart. She made you (and me) very proud of her several times over her remaining seven years with us. Especially when she helped me raise Bogie last year. She was so very patient with him and his crazy puppy antics. Just as you had been with her.

You taught me so much about being a dog mom. So much more than I could ever put into words. I am forever grateful to you, sweet girl. You helped me raise you, Shadow and Ducky. Your patience with my mistakes in those early days taught me to be more patient with you, Shadow, Ducky, Radar, Bogie, and your daddy’s dementia-induced alter ego.

My sweet Callie. I started this blog to honor you and your life with us. As the years have come and gone, you were reunited with your soul sister, Shadow; met and welcomed your two brothers, Radar and Bogie; and were reunited with your baby sister, Ducky. I know you’re taking great care of them all for me. You were the best mother’s helper ever put on this earth. And you taught Ducky to follow in your paw prints. Now that you’re all together again, I will continue this blog to honor you all.

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY CALLIE!!!!

Stay Tuned…..

03/18/202214 Comments

Hubby and I are working on a special “project” to enhance our lives. Phase One began Wednesday night and was completed early yesterday morning. 💚🍀

I will post updates as I can.

Have a great weekend everyone, no matter the weather!!

Happy Heavenly 16th Birthday, Shadow

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You came into our lives on December 7, 2004, and you reunited with Callie on August 25, 2019; but like Callie – and Radar – you will always be in our hearts.

This is not meant to be a sad post. It is a celebration of the years you were with us; years that were filled with love, joy, fun, and laughter, as well as tears of devastating sadness. Your presence made all our lives better, just as Callie’s and Radar’s – and Kissy’s before you – did. You all taught us so much that we could not have learned without you.

Today would also be Callie’s half-year birthday. You girls came to be exactly six months apart and came into our lives exactly six months apart. And the bond between you is eternal. It always gave me such joy to witness that bond on a daily basis. It’s one of my favorite memories.

So, Happy Birthday my sweet Golden Angel. I will always love you (and your sisters and brother). Thank you for always watching over Ducky for me.

Christmas Cactus for Radar

12/13/201908/31/202011 Comments

I can’t believe it’s nearly a week since Radar joined Callie and Shadow in Heaven.

Anyway, last Sunday after church hubby and I made a quick stop at our local grocery store. As we walked towards the bakery, we stopped at a tabletop display of Christmas Cactus plants. There were red ones and these white and pink ones. Hubby and I both needed cheering up, so we bought this one in memory of our boy.

More of the flowers have bloomed since Sunday. I like to think it’s because Radar likes our choice and is giving us a sign that he’s okay. I can just imagine him wagging his tail as Callie and Shadow greeted him at the Rainbow Bridge. That tail of his was almost always wagging! He was such a happy boy!

We are going to do our best to make this Christmas a merry one. Callie, Shadow, and Radar would want it that way. The last few years we’ve had a rather quiet Christmas without Callie. And until Radar came along in October, I didn’t feel much like celebrating without our sweet Shadow as well. But Radar brought so much joy back into all our lives that we have to find a way to keep that feeling alive. Radar and his sisters would want us to be at least cheerful.

Radar is back home now. I’m not one for setting up shrines, but his ashes are in this beautiful wooden box. And we also have this clay paw print.

Our boy – Ducky’s most special friend – is back home and I know his sweet, happy spirit is nearby. And I know Radar will help Callie and Shadow find us a new friend/brother for Ducky. The three of them know what we need and I trust their judgement. When all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over, we’ll have our 3 Golden Angels actively start the search for our next Golden Earth Angel.

So, as Radar’s Christmas Cactus blooms, we will take it as a sign that he is, indeed, here with us. And we will celebrate the joy of his life with us along with the true meaning of Christmas.

Gone Too Soon

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Hubby, Ducky and I are devastated. Our sweet foster boy has gone ahead. He joined our family on October 4th and on December 7th he joined Callie and Shadow in Heaven. Sweet, loving Radar. Ducky’s best doggie friend and brother. She loved Callie and Shadow dearly; but Radar was her most special friend. He tolerated her antics and she willingly shared her toys and our attention with him.

He was our boy. He was our first-ever male dog, our friend. He was an equal-opportunity lover boy. He loved hubby and me equally.

He learned quickly that “Daddy” is the soft touch and buddy; and “Mommy” is the cook, nurse, teacher, nurturer, and friend.

Radar fit into our little family perfectly. He was gentle with Ducky, played with her, shared his toys with her, gave her space when she was feeling “snarky”, and let her get attention from us when she felt neglected.

He loved us humans equally. He loved to stand, sit or lay down between our chairs so we could both pet him at the same time. Loving on him was therapeutic for both of us. And he knew he had his “fur-ever” home and family. He trusted us and we trusted him. I had plans to work with him to earn his CGC (Canine Good Citizen) title after he finished his heartworm treatments. And possibly therapy certifications. He had the perfect personality/temperament for both.

Our boy is gone. Our special boy, Ducky’s most special friend. Ducky is as heartbroken as we are. The price of love.

Radar will always be in our hearts. Our love for him and his for us will help us help each other to heal. Ducky, hubby, and I will heal. Radar’s spirit – like Kissy’s, Callie’s and Shadow’s spirits – will always be nearby. He and the girls will watch over us. They will send us another friend to love and welcome into the family when the time is right.

Just Catching Up

08/29/201908/29/201915 Comments

Hi Everyone! We’ve been busy around here between Ducky and the bees, doctor appointments, and a ten-day visit from my brother.

I’ve been focusing on Ducky’s behavior – specifically her reactions to hubby – for quite some time now with help from my friend, Janet Finlay, who owns the Canine Confidence Academy (based in the UK). Janet’s website provides so many resources and courses for guardians of reactive dogs that I haven’t had a chance to peruse them all even after more than a few years as a member. I had actually signed up for and started her original course – Your End of the Lead – several years ago and it really helped me help Ducky; but as happens from time to time, life got in the way and I had to switch some priorities around for a while.

Janet has also written a book, Your End of the Lead, which is a condensed version of her original course by the same name, with some additional newer material as well. It’s well worth the read, in my opinion, and is available on Amazon, Dogwise, and another site I can’t remember at the moment. And there are also some closed Facebook groups and a forum you can join once you become a member of the club.

Just so y’all know – Janet is NOT paying me to review her website or book. I’m sharing the information with you because I believe in Janet’s approach to training/working with reactive dogs and helping the humans who live with and love them. I believe in them because using her approach has helped me to help Ducky. (I don’t have any affiliate relationships with Amazon or Dogwise, or the third publisher, either, so I’ll make absolutely no money by promoting anything.)

Ducky is still somewhat reactive to strangers – especially here at home – but she was much more relaxed during my brother’s last visit than she has ever been.

Anyway, this past weekend found us reflecting on two anniversaries – Saturday (the 24th) was Callie’s 4th anniversary in Heaven; and Sunday (the 25th) was Shadow’s half-year anniversary being reunited with Callie. It was tough on me, emotionally; but I am thankful that my Golden Girls blessed hubby and me (and Ducky, too!) with so much unconditional love and so many wonderful memories. I’m also thankful that I was able to share their lives with you all for so many years. And, the reflection made me realize that I truly am ready to add another Golden Retriever to our family. We recently submitted an adoption application to our local breed rescue group, so please start sending us some really good vibes to help us get approved.

Well, that about sums up our lives for the past several weeks. Ducky’s doing great – watching a squirrel on the trunk of the oak tree at this moment – and enjoying life. She loves having all our attention; but she misses her sisters/favorite playmates.

Play with me, Mom! I want attention!

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A Bittersweet Anniversary

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Today is the 15th Anniversary of Callie coming to live with us.

While it is bittersweet that she’s no longer here (in her earthly form) to help us celebrate, it’s also special. You see, not only is it the anniversary of her joining our little family; but it’s also the very same day of the week, Friday, on which we brought her home.

So, I thought I would share some of her “baby” pictures with you.

Here she is at two weeks, when we first met our baby.

And at seven weeks, when we brought her home from the breeder’s house..

Callie's 1st Day Home Callie's 1st Day Home - 3 Callie's 1st Day Home - 2

Our poor baby had an ingrown eyelash in her lower left eyelid – that’s why it looks so painful in these pictures. Our wonderful vet did a little “nip and tuck” procedure the following Monday, which healed beautifully, and our sweet Callie never had another issue with that eye.

I Can’t Believe It’s Been A Month….

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Since Hubby, Ducky and I told Shadow how much we love her – will always love her – and then let her go be with her soul-sister Callie. This is my favorite photo of my Golden Girls from several years ago…. Jason's Pix 016

We miss our sweet girl so much. Ducky misses having company when we have to leave the house. She misses having a buddy to share the perimeter patrol duties with, and to bark at the neighbors’ dogs with, and to fuss at over time on the dog beds. About the only thing Ducky doesn’t miss about Shadow is the competition for our attention.

Hubby’s not a big believer in spiritual visits. It’s a shame for him. Being open to them myself, I feel better knowing my Golden Angels are always with me. And always watching over Ducky as well. It’s just so hard not having them here physically to love on and watch play with each other and cuddle together and discipline Ducky.

Anyway, it’s at least a little easier to look at photos of my girls without dissolving into a puddle of tears. So, here are some pix of Callie and Shadow together when they were still pups….

My Golden Girls were rarely apart in life; and when they were apart, they spent the time looking for each other. Now they’re together again, the way they were always meant to be.

in my heart 4ever

Lovingly Dedicated To All My Furry Kids

Category: Reflections