A Day of Bittersweet Memories

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January 14, 2022 was the worst day of my life, of all our – Sam’s, Ducky’s, and my brother’s – lives. And, to be honest, the first day of the worst year of my life. It was the day my sweet Bogie got his angel wings. And it was the day that my sweet Ducky’s heart broke irreparably. That sweet, loving, adorable boy. Just thinking about how it happened still brings a flood of tears – the bitter part of my memories. All I can do is thank God for allowing Sam and me to be his human parents and Ducky to be his “big sister” for his short life.

I will always miss this boy. He loved snuggling with me, and I loved snuggling with him. Bogie was the reason why I decided to get another “baby brother” for Ducky as soon as I could, which leads me to the sweet part of my memories…

A few days after Bogie got his wings, I called our friend and Bogie’s “Grandpa Chuck” and told him “I want another baby brother for Ducky. I’ll send you a check tomorrow.” Even though Ducky’s broken heart earned her her own angel wings a month later, I knew she would pick the perfect puppy for us. And she did….

This adorable little smudge muzzle was born on March 17, 2022 but even before then he became my sunshine boy. Sam’s dementia took nearly total control of him after Ducky got her wings; and the only thing I felt I had to smile about was knowing I would soon have another puppy to love on and be loved by. So Zen became my sunshine. When he was born, I decided his Gotcha Day would have to be on the monthly anniversary of Bogie’s passing. I needed a happy event to balance the tragic one. So Sam and I brought Zen home on May 14th.

After Ducky passed, I knew Zen would eventually need a playmate, and I wanted another girl. At first I wasn’t sure I could deal with two puppies and Sam. I kept wondering out loud if I had lost my marbles somewhere along the way. But Zen was such an easy puppy once Sam was admitted to the hospital, that I stopped wondering. Shortly after Sam was admitted to the hospital, Bogie’s mama, Bailey, was mated with his daddy’s brother so I knew the chances of getting a female version of my Bogie were pretty darn good. And the chances of her being exactly six months younger than Zen were good, too. It turned out to be six months and a day, but that’s close enough. So the second sweet part of my memories came into my life….

Look at that foot in the water bowl! To this day, she thinks water is for more than just drinking, just like Bogie! And Zoey’s Gotcha Day became November 14th, exactly six months after Zen, and ten months after us losing her older genetic brother. And, oh my doG, does she ever remind me of Bogie! She looks just like him and she acts just like him. She is a snuggle bunny just like Bogie was; and she’s sassy with Zen like Bogie was with Ducky.

So, as bitter as the memories are of losing sweet Bogie that awful day two years ago, at least his younger cousin and sister provide me with extra sweet memories for counterbalance. And truthfully Bogie’s not gone. He’s here every day, along with Ducky and their human daddy. I just can’t see him or love on him.

This Boy!!

11/16/202311/16/202311 Comments

Since this past Tuesday was also Zen’s (half-year) Gotcha Day – he’s been with me for 18 months – it’s only fitting that I should give him his own post on Thankful Thursday.

Zen and I have been through so much together in his short lifetime…his human daddy’s dementia and subsequent last months at home and then his passing; my relief and grief over my human soulmate’s passing; all the repair jobs that have had to be done on and in the house; and then the first holidays without hubby, Ducky, and Bogie. And my dear, sweet boy helping me raise his little sister. Then he guided me through his angel brother/cousin Bogie’s first anniversary in Heaven; Bogie’s, hubby’s, and Ducky’s first birthdays in Heaven; and then Ducky’s first anniversary in Heaven. And my own little health scare, which thankfully turned out to be minor and easily resolved.

That’s A LOT to go through in the span of a year and a half! But my boy got me through all of it. He has been here for me through thick and thin. Just as his mentor, Ducky, was all those years before and would have been if she could have. But in truth, she was here in spirit … mentoring and helping Zen to help me as she would have done. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Zen is my sunshine boy. My leprechaun (he, like his birth mama, was born on St. Patrick’s Day), my huggy-bear, my earthbound guardian angel with paws, my helper. And while he is maturing into a calm adult, he is still very much a puppy when playing with his little sister.

I thank Ducky every day for picking Zen out for me…she knew exactly which of Bogie’s baby cousins would be perfect for her grieving mama.

Happy First Gotcha Day Zoey!!

11/14/202311/13/202315 Comments

How is it even possible that you’ve been here with Zen and me for a full year already?! Here you are that first night home …

I still remember trying to will you and your littermates to be born the day before you actually were … I wanted you and Zen to be exactly six months apart. Oh well, at least I could make your Gotcha Days six months apart.

You’ve been growing physically and emotionally; but you’re still very much a puppy with all that energy. You keep Zen and me on our toes, for sure! Now that you can hold your own against Zen, you have wrestling matches that admittedly make me nervous at times.

You Reap What You Sow, Zoey

Zoey had been pestering Zen earlier in the day, so when he started in on her, I started recording. Zen is so tolerant, so patient with her most of the time. I love when he gives it back to her.

The more I look at Zoey, the more I see Bogie in her eyes and heart. She just looks and acts SO MUCH like her older angel brother! It’s really uncanny. Maybe God sent Bogie back to me in Zoey to give him a second chance at life? I don’t know; but it sure feels that way at times. She’s a lovebug, a sweet, sassy lovebug, and I’m glad Ducky and Bogie sent her to Zen and me!! 💜💜💜💜

HAPPY 1st GOTCHA DAY ZOEY! We love you, little one!!

WP Daily Prompt – What are you passionate about?

06/15/202306/15/20235 Comments

In just two words … my dogs. I am passionate about their welfare, their health, and their happiness. I am passionate about giving them the best life I can afford.

I am passionate about giving them as much unconditional love as they give me. They are sweet, loving, goofy, fun, loyal, and sometimes frustrating teenagers. They are my best friends as well as my “fur-babies” and I am their “mama”.

They are both Heaven-sent, picked out for me by my canine soulmate who earned her angel wings and joined her older sisters and younger brothers in Heaven in February of last year.

These two current pups didn’t know their human “daddy” – hubby’s dementia had already mostly robbed me of the man I married by the time Zen came to live with us at 8 weeks of age. The shell of that man made my poor puppy nervous at times, so he spent a lot of time with his breeder. When hubby was admitted to the hospital, I spent time getting the house cleaned up – when I wasn’t at the hospital with hubby – and then I brought Zen home with me for good. Zoey was born less than a month before hubby passed (peacefully in his sleep at the hospital, thankfully). She came to live with Zen and me in mid-November. And life has been somewhat chaotic and exhausting at times ever since – but always filled with love.

I was just as passionate about my furry angels before they each got their own angel wings. At times it was exhausting dividing my time between them and their human “daddy”; but I always tried to do my best and was always rewarded with their unconditional love.

It devastated hubby and me each time we had to say good-bye to one of the pups. And that devastation – especially the loss of Bogie, an 11-month-old Golden Retriever who got his angel wings due to a traumatic accident – is what finally catapulted poor hubby into the final stages of his dementia. The last one to leave was my soulmate, Ducky, a Cardigan Corgi/Black Lab mix who I adopted from the shelter in 2012. It is Ducky who picked out these two for me, with help from her “baby brother”. Bogie is genetically related to both Zen and Zoey, so he was a natural helper. Ducky knew me better than I knew myself at the time. And she knew exactly what I needed insofar as my next furry earth angels. She visits me quite frequently with their help. (So does Bogie.)

Since this is Thursday – and I am thankful for all the pups I’ve had/now have in my life – I decided this daily prompt from WordPress was perfect for today’s blog hop post.

Morning Snuggles & A Heavenly Birthday

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Just like her older brother, Angel Bogie, Zoey must have her morning snuggles with me. 💞🦮🐾

Funny to me is that as a rule of paw, the male Goldens are more likely to be the “needy”, cuddly pups than the females. Well, I never did like living by “rules” anyway. In this house, the roles are reversed…..

Zen is more like Ducky in the snuggles department: when and how HE wants them. Zoey is just like older brother, Angel Bogie: SHE must have the morning snuggles on the couch (or in the recliner). Her brother, and sister Ducky, knew I would need another snuggle buddy and that little Zoey would be perfect in that role. 🥰

So, on to the second reason for this particular Awww Mondays blog post…

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY In Heaven my Beautiful Bogie Boy!! Mama will always miss you until we’re all reunited. And I will always love you.

Three Heavenly Birthdays

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My three most recently departed loves have heavenly birthdays coming up this month. I will miss them all until the day we are reunited. And I’m sure many more memories will leak from my eyes between now and then; but this is a celebratory post, not a sad one.

In birthdate order, Bogie will be 2 years old on February 6th; Sam will be 73 on February 9th; and Ducky will be 11 years old on February 13th.

Sweet Bogie, our angel disguised as a dog

This boy’s time on earth was cut short through a tragic accident that took him from us. 💔 BUT during his time on earth, he filled our lives with so much joy, love, and laughter that we felt his loss perhaps more acutely than we might have otherwise. This boy was truly an angel on earth disguised as a dog. 💙 He knew instinctively, even at such a young age, exactly when his (human) daddy needed him; and went to him without hesitation to give love and be loved upon. And in the mornings, while Ducky slept in my chair, Bogie snuggled with me on the couch. Most of the rest of his day was spent playing with the older sister he adored and who adored him in return.

Sam, the love of my life, my human soulmate

This photo was taken last year, at our favorite restaurant, Schwaben House, where we had his birthday lunch. It was a happy day for us both, as his dementia demons were leaving him alone. It is my favorite of more then-recent photos of the man I’d married 28 years earlier. He was more himself that day than he had been in many previous days. ❤️ More himself than he would ever be again after that day. I will always gratefully remember the way he was that day.

Ducky, my sweet, sassy soulmate, my heart dog.

Ducky came into my life while I was taking a course to become a dog obedience training instructor. I was in the externship stage; and I was volunteering at the animal shelter, with the mission of helping the dogs become more adoptable. Ducky was the second of my charges. (The first, a pittie mix named Honey, was adopted a few days earlier.) Sweet Ducky stole my heart the instant I first saw her in her puppy-room kennel. And the rest of her story is now history. She wrapped my heart around her little paw and decided that – one way or the other – I was going to be her new mama. A few months later, she got her wish. We spent the next nine plus years working and playing together to ease her reactivity. And her older sisters taught her how to be a family dog instead of a kennel-bound shelter dog. Our bond grew into a soul connection that has transcended time and space. ❤️❤️

So, on this Thankful Thursday, I wish my three loves a happy birth month. I am so thankful you were each a big part of my life. I miss your physical presence; but I know you are with me always.

A Bittersweet Weekend

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Today – Saturday, January 14th – is the first “anniversary” of Bogie’s horrific, tragic, traumatic accident. A year has passed since my precious baby boy was taken from me, his daddy, his sister, and his uncle. The first of three traumatic losses in one year.

I spent some time yesterday morning reading my blog posts about Bogie – first to last – especially his trainer’s tribute, and tears rolled down my face. I will forever grieve for my precious baby boy. That grief, like the ocean, ebbs and flows with the tides.

Tomorrow – Sunday the 15th – will be 11 months since my beloved Ducky’s heart gave out on her after being shattered the month before by our loss of Bogie, and after many years of helping me deal with the stress of her beloved daddy’s dementia demons. As with Bogie, I will forever grieve for my precious little soulmate.

The “sweet” part of the “bittersweet,” though, is that today, Saturday the 14th, is also the Z Kids’ Gotcha Day. Zen came home to live with Sam and me on May 14th, so this is his 8-Month Gotcha Day. Zoey came home to live with Zen and me on November 14th, so this is her 2-Month Gotcha Day.

Zen has been my ray of sunshine, the bright spot in my life, since before he was even born (on St. Patrick’s Day) last year. Just knowing I was going to have another puppy in my life last year cheered me up most of the innumerable times that the grief over first Bogie and then Ducky overwhelmed me.

Once Zen came home after Sam had been hospitalized, he was often my reason for getting up in the morning. He became my best friend, my peaceful moments, my constant companion, my protector, my everything. And when I got the doctor’s unexpected yet somewhat relieving call that early October morning, Zen was my comforting, calming, peaceful zen puppy. He lived up to his name that morning as I cried into his fur. 😍

When Ducky became a winged angel, I knew I had to have two pups in my life again – the boy who was due in another month and another female. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, especially if I had to deal with the dementia demons at the same time; but I was determined to have two puppies so the first one wouldn’t be lonely when we couldn’t have him with us away from home. So, once again, my sweet baby girl came through for me when Zoey was born.

As Zen is my ray of sunshine, so Zoey is the starlight in my eyes. Zoey is sweet and sassy, like Ducky was. She is my baby girl, and I am her person. And, like Ducky adored Bogie, Zoey adores Zen. Likewise, as Bogie adored Ducky, so Zen adores Zoey. 💚💜🐾🐾

This post is a “bit” long-winded. I apologize for that. I’m grateful for those of you who have read it to the end. I hope everyone has a great weekend! ❤️❤️🐾🐾

A Lot of Firsts this Christmas

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Zen and Zoey enjoyed their first Christmas, it would appear. Santa brought them new toys and treats; and l gave them a scrambled egg with their breakfast.

And since Zoey’s been doing so much better with her “potty” training these last few weeks, I let her play on the carpeted living room floor with Zen most of the day.

Vying for the same toy. 🤣

These two had us – my brother and me – laughing most of the day. And there weren’t any accidents on the carpet at all. (Though there were two on the linoleum kitchen floor that I blame myself for.)

On my first Christmas without him, I thought of Sam often throughout the day – missing his physical presence and wishing I could hear his laughter and see his smile as the puppies played with their toys. – I came close to tears a few times, but mostly just felt the hole in my space that Sam’s presence filled for most of the last 30 years. I know he was here in spirit, as were all our furry angels. It was that knowing they were here with us in spirit that mostly kept the tears away.

And on my first Christmas without sweet Ducky and darling Bogie, I called Zoey “Ducky” several times because of the stark similarities in their sweet natures. And once or twice I called Zen “Bogie” just because it came out of my mouth first. LOL. A fleeting thought of dear Bogie’s awful death brought tears to my eyes, but they dried quickly when I thought of how loving, sweet, and intuitive he was throughout his much-too-short life.

Sometime last night, as I was checking Facebook, I found this memory of Ducky from what should have been Radar’s first Christmas with us. I felt myself choke up a little remembering that sweet boy’s battle with heart worm disease in 2019. But at least he went ahead knowing he had a family who loved him dearly and would miss his love and presence in their life.

So, all in all, my first Christmas without my two cherished soulmates was a good one. Bittersweet memories of Christmases past mixed with new memories to treasure from Christmas present. Unlike Ebenezer Scrooge, the ghost of Christmas future didn’t visit me in my dreams so I have no idea what’s in store for me. And I’m not going to dwell on or worry about it.

So, in ending this post, I hope that all my family and friends had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you celebrate at this time of year. May we ALL look forward to a happy and fulfilling new year.

Big Brother, Little Sister

11/23/202211/23/202212 Comments

Zen is the big brother that every little sister dreams about during her naps. He plays with Zoey so I can do my little chores.

He stays with her when I have to leave the room for a minute or two, or more.

When Zoey is doing something she shouldn’t be doing – like chewing on the kitchen table or chairs – Zen distracts her for me so she’ll stop. Or if Zoey’s teething on my big toe (through the sock), Zen will nip on one of her paws. She lets out a little yelp and goes after his paw. I wish I had a video of it. I’ll keep trying.

Zoey is sweet and loving, and feisty. I keep getting this image in my head of her telling Ducky that “Mama talks about you all the time.” To which Ducky replies “that’s why we sent you.” She truly reminds me of Ducky as the little demon dog I brought home from the shelter a little over ten years ago.

And Zen, my adoring son. He has grown up so much in these four months since hubby was admitted to the hospital! He’s much taller, much heavier, and still thin but not lanky like Bogie was at this age. He’s all muscle. He weighed 72.4 pounds when I had him weighed at the end of October; I’d be willing to bet he’s closer to 76 pounds now. And he’s maturing mentally, too. He still likes giving me hugs like a human. He stands on his two back legs and puts his front legs around my waist. 😍

When I see Zen being so very patient with Zoey as she bites and pulls on his tail, or pulls on his chest furs, or steals his chew toy, it reminds me of Callie with Shadow; and later on Callie’s patience with the much younger Ducky. And the brother-sister relationship between Radar and Ducky; and then Ducky’s unending patience with and adoration of Bogie. Bogie was forever pestering Ducky, but she was unwavering in her patience with him even as she looked to me for help.

Oh, did I mention that Zen watches Zoey in her crate at night, while I’m getting ready for bed?

It’s so sweet the way Zen watches over Zoey!

I let them play in the kitchen together. That way if Zen gets too excited and forgets he’s not as little as she is, Zoey can run under one of the chairs where he can’t reach her. He’ll keep barking at her for a minute or two, but he does settle down. Then Zoey comes out of her safe place and they start playing again. 💚🐾💜🐾

Short clip but you can get the idea.

Proud of Myself

08/08/202208/08/202219 Comments

Hi Everyone! Mama said I could paw today’s Awww Mondays blog hop post. Aren’t I a handsome pup? Mama says I’m as handsome as my angel brothers Radar and Bogie. 😇🐶😇🐶

I’m proud of myself cuz I climbed on to Mama’s chair instead of pestering her like I usually do when she sits on the sofa to check her emails in the morning. 🤣🐶

That’s it for me today. Mama and I hope all our family and friends have a great Monday!

in my heart 4ever

Lovingly Dedicated To All My Furry Kids

Tag: Bogie