Happy Heavenly Birthday Callie

Callie was my/our very first Golden Retriever. She was born 19 years ago today. She was a sweet, loving, and very independent puppy and adult.

Even at four months old she was teaching me about being a good dog mom. She was the first born in her litter, and from the time she opened her eyes – according to her breeder – she helped her mama stop and settle squabbles among her littermates.

When we added Shadow to our little family six months after we’d brought Callie home, Callie appointed herself Shadow’s surrogate mama, protector, best friend, teacher, and big sister. Callie sensed, correctly, that Shadow was a somewhat “needy” girl right from the start. And from day one, the girls forged a bond between them that would later transcend time and space.

Callie & Shadow’s First Christmas (2004)

When we added Ducky to the family in 2012, Callie taught Ducky how to be a dog, how to be a member of our family; and she intervened in the many squabbles between Shadow and Ducky. She also taught Ducky all she would need to know about getting along with Shadow once it was just the two of them. I think she might have warned Ducky of ghostly discipline, too, if she didn’t treat Shadow right. 🤣

Callie was my and hubby’s dear friend, our ambassador for her breed. And she owned and loved us equally, neither of us was her favorite “parent.” I will never forget her as long as I have my wits about me. She was our girl. And she was Shadow’s and Ducky’s older sister and best friend. And she taught Ducky well how to protect Shadow and be her true friend and sister.

So I’ll end this post by saying “Happy Birthday” to my dear Callie. The girl who started my love of Golden Retrievers, the girl who picked Radar and Bogie for Sam and me after Shadow joined her at the Rainbow Bridge.

Coincidence or Not?

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It was at 3:45 am exactly six months ago today – even the number day of the month fell on the same day of the week – that I received the call from the attending physician at the hospital saying Sam (my hubby) had passed in his sleep twelve minutes earlier.

Is it a coincidence that today is also Good Friday, a holy day in the Christian Church? Our savior was crucified, died, and was buried. Sam wasn’t crucified, but he did die on that morning exactly six months ago. And he’s been my chief guardian angel ever since, with help from our six furry angels.

I’m not looking for any sympathy. I’m just expressing my thoughts. I’m adjusting fairly well all things considered. I’ve been missing the man I married for quite some time due to his dementia; but his physical absence has been hard on me at times. If I hadn’t had Zen – and added Zoey a month after Sam’s passing – I’d have had to go into therapy for certain; but these two have been the best therapists I could ask for. I’ve been able to accept that his passing was the best thing for Sam. He no longer has to fight his dementia demons. He is healthy, and blissfully free of the demons.

So, on this Good Friday, 2023, I will continue loving and missing the man I married. And I will share with you one of my favorite photos of Sam. It was taken on his birthday last year. It’s one of my favorites because he was wearing a big smile; because he was himself most of that day – unencumbered by his dementia demons.

I will always be thankful for Sam, for his presence in my life. We had more good times over our years together than I can count. And the rough times were smoothed out by the unconditional love we shared, will always share. We were – and always will be – each other’s soulmate.

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY ZEN!!! 💚💚💚💚🐾🐾

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Today my big boy is one year old!! My leprechaun, my personal pot ‘o’ gold was born on St. Patrick’s Day 2022. My sunshine, the light of my life, was born in the midst of what turned out to be the worst year of my life. And he remains my sunshine boy.

Zen’s mama, Sunny, is also celebrating her birthday today! She is a sweet girl! What a present to give yourself on your birthday! Nine beautiful, healthy puppies! She is a wonderful mother to her puppies!

Sam with Zen when Zen was about 4 weeks old

At 4 Weeks Old He Was Already My Boy 💚🐾🍀

Zen was my little Smudge Muzzle at 4 weeks; and he still has a bit of the smudge around that precious muzzle.

We brought him home on May 14th, when he was just past eight weeks old. I chose the 14th because I needed a happy event to balance the awful monthly anniversary of Bogie’s accident.

Zen spent a great deal of time of the first five months of his life at his Grandpa’s house with his mama Sunny, Aunt Bailey, and cousins Stormy, Charlie, and Skye because of Sam’s dementia. It broke my heart to not have him here with me; but Sam’s dementia demons were taking over more frequently and making poor Zen very nervous. It was better for the poor little guy to be in a stable environment. Two weeks after Sam went into the hospital last July my sweet little Zen puppy came home. He’s been with me ever since, healing my broken heart one day at a time.

I can’t believe how fast and BIG he’s grown over the past year! When Sam and I first brought him home he weighed about 12 pounds. Just ten days ago, when I had to get a weight check for his heartworm preventive, he weighed in at 81.5 pounds!! And it’s all muscle!! This boy is strong!!

Taking a short play break a few days ago

This boy is such a love! He gives me hugs that are as much from Sam as from himself; he gives me kisses “just because” and when my memories are leaking from my eyes; and he adores his little sister, Zoey (who will be six months old tomorrow).

Happy First Birthday my Smudge Muzzle/Leprechaun/Sunshine Boy!! Mama loves you more than I could ever put into words!! I hope I will always be deserving of your unconditional love!! 💚💚🐾🐾🍀🍀🎂🎂🎈🎈☀️☀️🦴🦴🎾🎾🎁🎉

A Lot of Firsts this Christmas

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Zen and Zoey enjoyed their first Christmas, it would appear. Santa brought them new toys and treats; and l gave them a scrambled egg with their breakfast.

And since Zoey’s been doing so much better with her “potty” training these last few weeks, I let her play on the carpeted living room floor with Zen most of the day.

Vying for the same toy. 🤣

These two had us – my brother and me – laughing most of the day. And there weren’t any accidents on the carpet at all. (Though there were two on the linoleum kitchen floor that I blame myself for.)

On my first Christmas without him, I thought of Sam often throughout the day – missing his physical presence and wishing I could hear his laughter and see his smile as the puppies played with their toys. – I came close to tears a few times, but mostly just felt the hole in my space that Sam’s presence filled for most of the last 30 years. I know he was here in spirit, as were all our furry angels. It was that knowing they were here with us in spirit that mostly kept the tears away.

And on my first Christmas without sweet Ducky and darling Bogie, I called Zoey “Ducky” several times because of the stark similarities in their sweet natures. And once or twice I called Zen “Bogie” just because it came out of my mouth first. LOL. A fleeting thought of dear Bogie’s awful death brought tears to my eyes, but they dried quickly when I thought of how loving, sweet, and intuitive he was throughout his much-too-short life.

Sometime last night, as I was checking Facebook, I found this memory of Ducky from what should have been Radar’s first Christmas with us. I felt myself choke up a little remembering that sweet boy’s battle with heart worm disease in 2019. But at least he went ahead knowing he had a family who loved him dearly and would miss his love and presence in their life.

So, all in all, my first Christmas without my two cherished soulmates was a good one. Bittersweet memories of Christmases past mixed with new memories to treasure from Christmas present. Unlike Ebenezer Scrooge, the ghost of Christmas future didn’t visit me in my dreams so I have no idea what’s in store for me. And I’m not going to dwell on or worry about it.

So, in ending this post, I hope that all my family and friends had a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you celebrate at this time of year. May we ALL look forward to a happy and fulfilling new year.

Happy Anniversary Sam

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Today is our 29th Wedding Anniversary. Right now we should be enjoying our morning hug and first cup of coffee. We ought to be enjoying it together. We ought to be looking forward to celebrating with our dinner at Schwaben House later on, sharing our joy with Annette and Giorgio and the staff as we have for the last several years.

I miss you so much! I hear our favorite songs and they start the tears flowing. Or I go into Publix and avoid the ice cream shelves in the frozen food section – especially the Haagen Dasz bars that we always enjoyed together.

I never used to mind living without another human, as long as I had a canine companion. Now, after all our years together, I feel so empty and alone at times. Zen and Zoey are so sweet, and such good company … they make me smile and laugh and at times yell in frustration … but they’re not you. While you were in the hospital I could at least cling to the hope that a miracle would make you whole again and able to come home.

Sam, I know you’re up there in Heaven watching over me. You’re my Guardian Angel now; and along with Callie, Shadow, Ducky, Radar, and Bogie, you’re also watching over Zen and Zoey for me. I try to be my old cheerful, optimistic, sometimes silly self because I know that’s what you would want to see me being. Out in public I usually am. Here at home is another story.

I love you, Sam. I always have loved you. Our little squabbles and arguments were just that because we were soulmates from the start. Our connection goes much deeper than just our hearts. It joins our souls, and even though you’re not here physically, I know your spirit is here with me. I just miss our physical togetherness, our “us”, being able to feel your hand in mine or your arms around my waist. I know you whisper in Zen’s ear sometimes because he’ll stand on his hind legs and put his front legs against my chest and paws on my shoulders and give me a hug and a slobbery kiss. Don’t ever stop, please. I need those Zen hugs!

Happy Anniversary Sam! Have I Told You Lately that I love you, that there’s no one else above you? That was our wedding song and it will always be our song. I will miss you forever and always, until we meet again.

Missing My (Human) Soulmate

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It is with very deep sadness that I must tell you my beloved husband, Sam, passed peacefully in his sleep early Friday morning, October 7th. 💔😢.

Most – if not all – of my long time readers know (but may not remember) that Sam was diagnosed with early-onset dementia in June of 2018. Back then it was still mild enough that Sam could enjoy a sense of independence. As the years passed, however, his cognitive abilities became so impaired that the doctors insisted he not be allowed to drive any more. That loss of independence really bothered him. Then Bogie had his traumatic accident, and a month later we lost Ducky to the sudden heart failure. The two losses coming so close together devastated us both and really started Sam’s downward spiral.

Before the dementia took control of Sam’s mind, we had a soul-to-soul connection, an affinity with each other that carried us through many trivial arguments over this or that. And it helped me separate the Sam I love from the dementia-induced alter ego who angered me, disappointed me, and hurt my feelings so often.

The real Sam was a kind-hearted, loving, friendly soul who never met a stranger. The real Sam loved his family – including each one of our many fur babies – with his whole heart, and we all love him. Now Sam and the fur kids (except Zen obviously) are all together again. Sam is no longer being chased relentlessly by his dementia demons; and all the earthly anxieties that plagued Ducky when Sam’s demons were lurking about are gone. So now they can all relax and enjoy each other’s company while they wait for Zen and me to join them.

I miss the real Sam. I know his spirit is with me, but I miss his physical presence. I miss our morning hugs, sitting in his lap with my head against his shoulder when I was sad, our walks around the back yard. I miss our day trips to the mountains with the pups. I miss his smile, his laugh, his hand reaching for mine. I miss watching him interact with the dogs. And I will miss him and each of them until it’s my turn to join them.

Grief is the price we pay for love. I know the pain of this loss will ebb and flow. I’m prepared for that. So I’ll close this post with a simple request…prayers for anyone and everyone impacted in some way by dementia. It is a horribly cruel disease, worse than cancer in my opinion.

I don’t have the obituary quite ready yet; but I can tell you that we will have a simple memorial service for Sam at our church a week from Saturday. For anyone who wants more details, just send me a message or email.

Zen’s Chillin’ with Grandpa

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My little boy is spending some time with his grandpa, doggie mama, auntie, and cousins – being taught doggie manners by five adult dogs in the same house. And getting a break from the stress of dealing with his human daddy’s dementia. And giving me a break from his teething. 🐊 🦈

Exploring Grandpa’s Yard

The room where he spent the first 8 weeks of his life.

“Grandpa Chuck” has been enjoying Zen’s time with him, too. I get glowing reports – and photos and/or videos – daily. Zen is being an absolutely perfect house guest. No teething, no biting, and no “accidents” to clean up. He did need a bath though after spending part of last Saturday helping his grandpa wash his truck. 🤪

Meanwhile, I’m here at home, working with hubby’s dementia doctor, trying to help him deal with the challenges of the dementia. I’m alone physically but I do have emotional support in the form of family and friends. And I can call our medical professionals any time I have questions.

I miss my canine emotional support team (Ducky and Bogie) and my “little ray of sunshine” (Zen) but I’m managing. At least I don’t have to worry about any of them getting hurt or feeling neglected.

So, on this Friday after Thankful Thursday, I’m thankful for caring, supportive medical professionals, family members, and friends (both online and IRL). More thankful than any words can convey.

Have a great weekend everyone! If it’s hot where you live – like it is here – stay cool and hydrated! If it’s cold, then keep warm (and hydrated). Love you all! Thanks for being our friends!

A Land Shark Has Possessed My Puppy!

06/03/202206/02/202211 Comments

HELP! A land shark has possessed the body and soul of my sweet puppy!

This sweet little fella I was so thankful for a week or so ago

has been possessed by demon land sharks! Now he’s attacking not only his toys, furniture, clothes, and shoes, but also me. And I have the scars to prove it! And in some pretty private places that I won’t show/name here,

And that’s just for starters. My arms look like I have chicken pox. Tuesday night when I was texting with Bogie’s trainer, James called him a furry alligator. And that’s about what this little guy has turned into.

The odd thing is, I’m the ONLY human he’s focusing on for his “Baby Jaws” bites. He plays nicely with his daddy, and if he bites him it’s only by accident. And on the way home from the airport on Wednesday night, he very calmly laid on the back seat with his head on his Uncle Doug’s leg.

I love and adore this little guy; but for the sake of my sanity and my skin, he has spent a lot of time in the kitchen these last few days. I hate it, but he is stressing me out. I can’t figure out why he’s deliberately biting at MY clothes and skin, no matter how many times I reinforce him for playing with his toys.

“This too shall pass” they say. But he just started teething a few days ago. He has another few months to go yet.

HELP! Help me change “Baby Jaws”, my “furry alligator”, back into the sweet puppy he was a week ago!

Thankful for Zen

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Bogie and Ducky knew exactly what we both needed in a puppy. Their little brother is sweet, adorable, and precious. He is active and curious, and all. over. the. place! He keeps us – mostly me – busy.

He’s not much of a snuggler yet, but that’s okay. He prefers the coolness of the kitchen floor to the warmth of the living room carpet, and apparently my lap as well. But he did oblige me with a short snuggle session on Monday afternoon.

This little boy has been living up to his name. He runs around like a little Tasmanian devil, but he’s still calm. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and he expands my heart with his puppy kisses.

Stay Tuned…..

03/18/202214 Comments

Hubby and I are working on a special “project” to enhance our lives. Phase One began Wednesday night and was completed early yesterday morning. 💚🍀

I will post updates as I can.

Have a great weekend everyone, no matter the weather!!

in my heart 4ever

Lovingly Dedicated To All My Furry Kids

Tag: Hubby