Missing Our Callie

Lately I find myself missing Callie so intensely at times that the tears start flowing without warning, or my throat gets a giant lump and closes up. Before I know it, I’m reaching for a tissue.

When we were outside early this morning for the girls’ first potty break of the day, a train went through the crossing up the road. As it was approaching, it was blowing its whistle (or horn or whatever) and Shadow started howling. 

Shadow always howls at train whistles and sirens. Sometimes she seems to be howling just to hear her own voice, like when Callie was still alive and they would serenade me. This morning, though, as she so often does, she seemed to be calling out to her big sister. Trying to summon Callie’s earthly form. 

  
Am I projecting my human thoughts and emotions on to Shadow? Possibly. But I know that she feels lonely for her sister, too. As closely bonded as they were to each other during Callie’s time on earth, there is no way I could be convinced otherwise.

At Christmas I thought I was past the heart wrenching stage of my grief. I was able to think of Callie and all the fun she, Shadow – sometimes Ducky – and I had over the years and just smile at the memories. I still can, at times. Yet…

Okay, so I’m thinking that we humans go through various stages of grief. Various stages, and varying degrees. Hubby doesn’t “get it”. Yes, he misses Callie in his own way, which is fine; but he tells me that I have to “get over it and let go.” That response only serves to piss me off, so I hold back my tears when he’s around or I get up and go into a different room. And then I let the tears flow. Or I draft a blog post like this one. And I know that most, if not all, of you will understand.

12 thoughts on “Missing Our Callie”

  2. Tails Around the Ranch says:

    Their life presence continues to touch our very souls, not just our hearts even when they are left this mortal earth. This is why we cannot forget them. Sam and I send loving thoughts of comfort as you remember your sweet Callie girl. ღ

    Liked by 1 person

  3. cocoabean2225 says:

    It is so hard to lose such an important part of your life. I still cry for Daisy and I do not mean little tears. There are days I am so sad it was like yesterday but it has been 3 years. She will always hold a huge part of my heart. I mostly think of the wonderful things though and it does get better in that sense I think. I can think of her and smile. Sending prayers to you for peace and healing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jan K says:

    I can see why you think Shadow was calling to her sister…her howling is so mournful. My crew only howls when I leave two behind when taking one for a walk; so I know it’s a cry for the pack to be all together like it should be.
    There is no rhyme nor reason to grief, in my experience it waxes and wanes. You go along, and you think you’re doing OK and next thing you know you’re balling your eyes out. You can’t fix it just by saying you should.
    I’m just glad for you that you can find the support you need out here.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jodi says:

    Men and women grieve differently, this is a proven fact. SO many marriages end in divorce after a woman miscarries because the man grieves and ‘gets over it’ while the woman never does. As nurturers by nature, we will always grieve the loss of those we love. Some days will be worse than others and some days you will be able to smile at memories, but there will be days you will not.

    Just keep coming to us honey, we’re all here and we all understand. Hugs to you my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. somethingwagging says:

    And whoever said grief travels in a straight line? I’m sorry that your different ways of grieving keep Sam from understanding you at times.

    I still shed tears thinking about my first dog in childhood. And that’s been decades.

    Loved hearing Shadow howl. My Agatha and Christie used to howl at sirens. It’s been 14 years since they passed but I still miss them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My Golden Life says:

      Thank you for this, for everything! The Spirit that is now Callie is also my beloved Kissy. Kissy came back to me in Callie’s earthly form because she knew I needed her. They are both always with me as one in my heart and mind.

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