Tag: stress

Grateful for Good News

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Last weekend I was watching all of us here. I was watching Shadow for signs of a returning UTI. I was watching Ducky for signs of snarkiness toward Shadow. I was watching hubby for signs of dementia-induced temper tantrums. And I was watching myself for signs of stress overload.

Well, so far it’s been a good week. No snarkiness from Ducky, no temper tantrums, and no stress overload on me.

But the best news? I got good news from the vet yesterday afternoon: Shadow’s UTI is cleared up. She’s not just looking and acting like she feels better; she actually IS better. Her white blood cell count is back to normal.

So, this last week will be added to the list of good weeks to be grateful for. And here are two lovelies for whom I’m eternally grateful…

Watchful Weekend

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Well, we’ve had another (mostly) peaceful week. Hubby seems to have completely forgotten the two weeks of pure hell. That’s more than just “good”. He’s had a few minor “tantrums”, but at least they weren’t directed at the dogs or me.

Shadow’s UTI appears to be cleared up. I gave her the last antibiotic dose yesterday afternoon. She’s eating better again. And she’s playing more. Still, after all that’s been going on around here this past month, the vet agreed with me that we should do a follow-up urinalysis next week.

Ducky’s still a bit reactive when hubby comes out of the bedroom in the morning but is generally settling down faster. And she’s still being sweet toward Shadow for the most part.

As I’ve said before, being a caregiver for/to a dementia patient is not for wimps. Especially when you’re also “Mom” to pets who depend on you for everything, from meals and vet care to playtime and lovies, not to mention keeping things as calm and peaceful as possible. That’s a ton of responsibility to heap on one person day in and day out. It can wreak havoc with one’s internal balance.

So, this weekend I’m watching both dogs for reactions to people food that hubby sneaks to them. And watching hubby for signs of oncoming temper tantrums. And watching myself for signs of stress and that overwhelmed feeling.

Living in the Moment

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If you are one of our “regular” readers, you know that my hubby is a dementia patient (in the early-middle stages). If not, you can read about it here, if you want to.

The past week (since a week-ago yesterday) has literally been hell on earth here at our house – and in the truck or car. For the last eight days, I’ve felt like I’m walking on egg shells. And the poor dogs have been stressed-out way more than I can deal with emotionally. Yesterday, I asked our vet – via text – if Xanax was safe enough for Shadow. That’s how bad it was on Friday night. He responded affirmatively and with the suggested dosage. Bless that man!!!

So far – since late yesterday afternoon – things have been fairly calm and peaceful. I’m praying they stay that way. And I’m trying hard to live in the moment. Last night – just before bedtime – I gave both girls a dose of the Xanax in case things went downhill again. They slept through the night. And, so did I once I turned the tv off.

Living with a dementia patient is NOT for wimps, I can tell you for sure! Especially if you also live with animals who are as sensitive and tuned into your own moods as mine are. And they react to it in different ways. (Shadow runs away to hide; Ducky barks almost incessantly.)

The dogs and I are in the back yard, getting away from the tv news and getting some fresh air. I’m praying that when we go back inside, peace and calm will still prevail. And I will try to keep living in the moment.

Have a great week! And please send us energy and light for a peaceful week; or say a prayer, light a candle, whatever. Thank you for being there for us as we travel this road. Peace and Love!! đź’“

You Are Not Alone

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Today I’m sharing a very personal story. My hope is that in sharing this story I can let others who have similar stories know that they are not alone.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with “mixed dementia”, with vascular dementia being the most prevalent. Although he has exhibited the various symptoms to varying degrees over the last several years, I – and our former primary doctor – attributed those symptoms to various other health issues.

Some of the effects of hubby’s dementia are the inability to reason, to accept facts that he doesn’t agree with, and to exhibit inappropriate behaviors. It’s not constant, but at times it seems to manifest more frequently.

We also have two dogs with various gastrointestinal issues. They both have sensitive stomachs, they both have one degree or another of lactose intolerance, and they both react when their systems are overloaded with the wrong food and treats.

For the sake of my dogs’ health status, I have to be on guard constantly. It’s impossible to convince hubby that this human treat or that human food item isn’t good for the dogs.

(I used to attribute this trait to just being “a man thing” but now I’m not so sure.)

It’s like trying to reason with a toddler who wants to share his potato chips with the family dog. That toddler isn’t old enough to understand that the family dog’s system can’t handle the chips or other human treats. And hubby’s capacity to reason has been diminished to that same level. When my calm requests that he not share those human treats and food items are met with snarkiness, it tears me apart.

All is not negative, however. A Nurse Practitioner who works at our hospital system’s Center For Successful Aging prescribed Namenda to help slow the progression of some of hubby’s symptoms. While he only started this drug last week, his mood changes already seem to have leveled out somewhat.

Now I need to work on my own stress levels. (Better sleeping habits would be a good start.) I have been doing some research, as well as subscribing to a newsletter from the Alzheimer’s organization. Additionally, family members and friends have been super supportive all along, even before our first appointment at the aging center. There is also a local support program for caregivers – called REACH – and I will be meeting with one of their folks soon.

If you deal with a similar situation, please feel free to reach out to me in the comments. Maybe we can help each other.

While I Was Gone…

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Have you been wondering where we’ve been the last few months? Well, I promise we hadn’t forgotten about you all. It’s just that our living arrangements were a bit skewed.

I spent the last few months helping my brother take care of some household work that’s more easily handled by two (or more) persons. And making sure his dog, Boozy, got the love and attention he deserves throughout. And look at this face. Isn’t he precious?!

I admit that although I was happy to be able to help my brother, I left home with some anxiety about leaving Shadow and Ducky alone with their dog-daddy. Thankfully, Angel Callie, God, and the universe were watching over them all and things were pretty peaceful.

Some of the good news is that Ducky was – in hubby’s words – “really, really good” and got along fine with Shadow.

While I was gone, hubby decided to allow Ducky the freedom to roam the house with Shadow whenever he had to go out somewhere. I wasn’t very happy about it at first. I know how snarky Ducky can be toward Shadow at times. But there was never any sign of even the slightest “argument” between them, so I relaxed. Angel Callie was watching over her sisters for me.

Then there’s Ducky’s rather vociferous way of saying “I have to go out.” I was a bit concerned that the ever-impatient dog-daddy would make her forever afraid of him with his grumpy responses. Thankfully, hubby kept his cool more often than not.

Long-time readers of our blog know that Shadow has caused me some rather stressful hours, days, and even weeks with her eating habits over the last few years.

In February – before I left to go to my brother’s home – I was still splitting her breakfast into two meals. And getting stressed when she wouldn’t eat. And hubby continued the “schedule” for the first two weeks. And he started getting stressed-out about her not eating. And he’d call me and get me stressed-out.

Then I “decided” our stress was getting to Shadow and making it worse for her. So, I instructed him to just pick up and cover her bowl when she wouldn’t eat and stick it in the fridge. “Just give it to her for dinner.” Some mornings she ate all her food, some mornings only some of it, and some mornings she wouldn’t touch it. But by dinner time she was hungry enough to eat a full meal.

I came home for a week while my brother’s best buddy visited with him. Shadow’s follow-up blood work and abdominal ultrasound came due that week. More good news: her liver enzyme levels were back to normal and the nodule on her spleen was still unchanged (after a year’s time). The vet said to keep her on the Denamarin long-term “and keep up the good work” with her exercise.

So, while she still refuses to eat some mornings, my girl is doing really well for her age. And I no longer worry if she doesn’t eat breakfast, as long as she eats dinner and otherwise acts “normal” during the day.

As the weeks stretched into months, I grew more and more concerned about hubby’s stress levels. He’s not meant to be a “bachelor”. It was past time to come home. I’ve been here a week now. I miss my brother and Boozy – and they miss me – but I’m back where I belong. And it feels good.

Back to The Ducky Diary

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My brother spent most of this past week with us and Ducky was not happy about it.

I met Doug at the airport on Saturday afternoon (8/19) and from the time we got back here to the house until he left on Wednesday afternoon to visit with a friend in Asheville, Ducky was in snark mode. At least toward her uncle. So much so that we had to keep her on a leash the whole time she was in the house. (Well, except during the night while she slept in her crate.)

Thank goodness for doggie daycare! She spent most of the day there on Monday and Tuesday. At least she was able to relax and enjoy the company of her doggie and other human friends for a while each day. 

Since Doug was going home yesterday (Friday) after returning from Asheville, I felt Ducky would be better off at daycare (again) for even just the few hours her uncle was in the house. 

It worked out nicely, actually, because her daycare facility is not that much out of the way coming home from the airport.

I chuckled a bit on Wednesday afternoon because as soon as Doug left for Asheville, Ducky spent a good 10 minutes running around the house looking for him. She knew his scent but couldn’t find him. She finally gave up and went back to nap on her bed. 

When I picked her up at daycare yesterday, she sniffed the air in the car for a moment. Satisfied that Uncle Doug wasn’t hiding anywhere, she laid down on the back seat and slept all the way home. By the time we arrived at the house, she seemed satisfied that the tall stranger wasn’t here any more. She played out in the yard with Shadow for a bit and then took a nap in her bed.

Doug’s dog isn’t comfortable with strangers, either, so he understands what it’s like to have a human-reactive dog. I’m grateful for that understanding. Especially when I’m feeling ready to wring Ducky’s neck for being such a noisy brat.

Having said all that, I know what I need to do. Sort of. First step is writing it all down, like an outline. (Maybe in The Ducky Diary. Better yet in the Training Notebook that I haven’t started using yet.) When I get that done, I’ll figure out Step Two: Implementation.

Have a great weekend, dear readers. And those of you threatened by Harvey, please stay safe. We’re sending out positive energy and thoughts to all of you.

Know Your Limitations 

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Last Saturday – while I was in the shower – hubby was outside, getting ready to bring our riding lawnmower for service. He tripped on the side of the concrete driveway, fell, and landed hard on his left knee and shoulder.  He was coming back inside as I was going outside to help him load the mower on to the trailer…

Needless to say, we didn’t go anywhere the rest of the day.  I cleaned up the abrasions but he refused an ice pack. At 6 pm, he tried to get out of the chair and couldn’t. I had to call EMS. We got to the ER about 6:30. And we were there for 3+ hours.

Poor Ducky was totally confused, and stressed. When the EMTs arrived the first time. I had to put her in the room downstairs to keep her from acting out against them. That just added to her confusion and stress. When Sam was settled into the ambulance, I brought Ducky back upstairs and put her in her crate in the bedroom. I gave them both kisses and a treat, and locked up the house.  And followed the ambulance to the hospital. I didn’t see the girls again until about quarter to ten. By the time I got home, the poor dogs needed to relieve themselves and were hungry. Sam was being brought home in an ambulance in another half hour or so. Then the confusion and stress rose again for Ducky when once more she had to wait downstairs while the EMTs got her dog-daddy settled in the bed.

Sunday was stressful, too. But fast forward to bedtime. Ducky snarked at Shadow for trying to get in the bedroom.  Something she hasn’t done in a long time. And Monday morning they had another “altercation” over a damn ball. Luckily, no blood was drawn; but Shadow cried out before I could get Ducky under control and downstairs to cool off. And give myself a chance to cool off. Ducky may not understand the concept of timeout; but she knows when Mommy is pissed off. I gave Shadow a Tramadol to relieve the pain where Ducky clamped down on her leg, and reassured her that she did nothing wrong. After about 20 or 30 minutes, I let Ducky come back upstairs. They “made up” but pretty much kept their distance from each other the rest of the day. 

That’s when I decided I had more than enough stress having to play nursemaid to an immobile spouse. I needed help with Ducky. So I called the owner of Ducky’s daycare and asked her to put together a quote for me to resume a 5-days-a-week schedule for Ducky until hubby regains the majority of his mobility. 

It’s not the ideal situation. I’d rather have Ducky home  – and she would prefer to be home – and learning to deal with her daddy’s situation with my help. But I know myself. I know that when I’m stressed and tired, my patience suffers.  And that’s not good for Ducky. Or for Shadow. Ducky needs an outlet for her turbocharged energy – and her stress – that I can’t provide all day long right now. Especially with Shadow on leash restriction. And Shadow needs focused love and attention. So, for now at least, Ducky will be spending at least half a day at daycare every weekday.  She was worn out yesterday afternoon when I picked her up; and there was peace between my girls all evening, even at bedtime.

So, my advice is this: when you’re in a stressful situation, acknowledge your limitations and gather the courage to ask for whatever help you need. You’ll be doing yourself and everyone you love and live with a big favor. Don’t try to do it all yourself.